


my baby lives in shades of blue

by Anonymous



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Billy Hargrove Lives, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Color Blindness, Gay Billy Hargrove, Harringrove, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23508754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Before blue, Steve's life was dull. Lifeless.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 3
Kudos: 105
Collections: Anonymous





	my baby lives in shades of blue

**Author's Note:**

> not beta read and the timeline is all wrong and cracked out but,,, enjoy!
> 
> title is from shades of cool by lana del rey
> 
> sorry :')

Before blue, Steve's life was dull. Lifeless.

He cried desperately almost every night, hoping his tears and silent pleads were enough for the universe to let him see Nancy’s blue eyes. They stayed grey. A light shade of grey that caused him so much hurt when she called their relationship _bullshit_ because she knew they weren’t soulmates. 

Nancy saw brown, but not Steve’s brown. 

Jonathan saw blue. 

He found the same shade of light grey when he met Robin. He longed to see blue again. 

Robin found brown. 

Heather found blue. 

Steve found ways to distract himself from the missing color of his life. Babysitting the kids, killing demogorgons, scooping ice cream in some stupid uniform that looked dark grey, white, and red. Avoiding it only went so far, though. When he met Max, he was faced with that familiar longing, wishing he could see how her icy blue eyes complemented her rosy cheeks and fiery hair. 

Max met brown. 

El met blue. 

He was happy for them, of course. They were his kids. He couldn’t help the tinge of jealousy when a fourteen year old looked into the eyes of a stranger and whispered _blue_ followed by a _pretty._ The two were inseparable. 

Steve grew accustomed to disappointment. His parents disappointed him when they called and told him they would be extending their business trip. He disappointed himself by not getting into any colleges. 

The worst of all, though. 

Billy Hargrove disappointed him when he _finally_ saw blue then was left seeing stars because within the same thirty seconds of finding his soulmate, he got his face beat in. 

He hated blue after that night. He hated the blue of the Scoops Uniform, hated the blue of Nancy’s sparking eyes that stayed locked on Jonathan’s brown. He couldn’t get himself to make eye contact with Billy. He dropped basketball, didn’t look up from his desk in any class they shared together, didn’t look at him when he dropped Max off. Who was once _King Steve_ now roamed the hallways with his head bowed in shame because he let the same blue he longed for ruin him. It hurt too much to look into those baby blues and feel ignited with raging anger, love, and sadness that he couldn’t act on. How was he supposed to love his soulmate when he hurt him? Billy punched him and laughed in his face when he didn’t fight back because he was stuck in a daze that consisted of ocean blue and pain and such strong desire to just reach out and touch him, hold him, love him, all while begging him to _stop, Billy, please stop._ He didn’t stop, though, not until Max intervened and Steve saw a glimpse of determined icy blue and electric red before he knocked out.

But,

How was Steve supposed to know that Billy was trying to get him to feel his pain? That Billy was showing him a glimpse of his everyday life, telling Steve with every clash of bloody knuckle and split cheek that _you don’t want me. You don’t need me or my baggage. I’m broken._ He didn’t know how his father treated him, especially after learning that both he and Max were queer yet Billy was the one left bruised and crying and longing for the comfort of brown eyes and brown hair and brown moles that he couldn’t look into, run his fingers through, or trace because he didn’t deserve to. Billy knew the emotional consequences and anguish of avoiding a soulmate, but he was convinced he could outrun the system for Steve’s sake.

They learned to avoid each other and pretend they weren’t introduced to new worlds consisting of blue and brown, but on July 4, 1985, they couldn’t. Because while Billy was being mutilated by a monster that had his veins running black, he was losing his brown and Steve was losing his blue.

Steve remembers how his uniform flickered between blue and grey. How he panicked and stared into Robin’s eyes, hands shaking as tears welled up in his doe eyes.

_I’m losing him, Robin. I’m losing blue._

When Billy flatlined, it felt like everything was grey. He saw every other color, but he didn’t _feel_ them the same way he felt blue. For the five minutes Billy was dead, he sat in the waiting room, staring blankly into Max’s grey eyes as she cried for her brother in her soulmate’s arms. He had been so bewildered he didn’t realize the blue had seeped back into Max’s eyes until Robin was softly calling _Steve. Steve look at me. Please._ He found blue when he averted his gaze, a choked sob caught in his throat. He knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but,

“Blue.” He gasped out, silent tears streaming down bruised cheeks. “I see blue.” He didn’t know if he was crying tears of sadness, anger, or relief. Or all of the above.

Billy woke up a couple days later. The black was scrubbed off his skin and his torso was wrapped in bandages. Max was the first one to visit him, then Steve. He couldn’t help the sob that left his chest at the sight before him. Tired, weak, melancholy blue stared into concerned, loving brown. There was no edge or anger in the blues, but there was fight and fire. The fight and fire Billy needed to survive, to stare into his soulmate’s eyes without shame, to love Steve the way he should’ve from the beginning. This was their second chance and they both made that realization when Steve stood in the doorway of his hospital room crying heavy tears from glossy brown eyes.

“I’m not leaving.” Steve stated adamantly, throat rasp. He shut the door behind him, making his way to the chair besides Billy’s bed, sinking down. “Please don’t push me away.” He whispered brokenly, grabbing the blonde’s scarred hand and squeezing it, searching for his pulse. When he felt Billy’s heartbeat on his thumb, he gave his hand another squeeze. “‘Cause I’m not going anywhere, Hargrove, whether you like it or not.” He tried to sound tough, but his voice was pitchy and scratchy, betrayed by his tears.

“Pretty boy,” Billy began, voice hoarse and dry. Neither of them broke eye contact. “I’m sorry.” He whispered quietly, unleashed tears streaming down his cheeks. Everything _hurt_ and he knew Steve felt the same even though he wasn’t the one lying in the hospital bed with a black gash across his chest. “I don’t want you to leave.” He held Steve’s hand, giving it a familiar squeeze.

They sat in silence. Billy looked over Steve, taking in the way his brown hair bounced and stuck to his wet cheeks, how he wanted to plant soft kisses to the two brown moles on his cheek, adoring the gleam and sparkle in his big brown eyes despite looking red-rimmed and glossy. Steve leaned closer into Billy. He hesitated before gently kissing his forehead, then cheek, then the corner of his mouth. He narrowly pulled back, stopping when they sat face-to-face, breathing each other’s air and feeling the other’s hot breath on their faces. Steve broke the silence first.

“Billy,” he whispered. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Brown.” Billy didn’t hesitate, long lashes fluttering over adoring cerulean blue. Steve’s breath hitched. “What’s yours?”

“Blue.” 

Billy kissed him first, not once letting go of Steve’s hand.

_I can learn to love you._ Both boys thought. _I think I already do._

**Author's Note:**

> it's a sad day for the boys :(  
> leave a comment and kudos if you want :'') (it's okay if you're mad at me


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